"Boredom. Context?"
"I think I may have discovered another friend who's a psychopath, except this one isn't high functioning and he really pissed me off. I feel he has no empathy or principles... there always has been something about him that really bothered me. I don't even know if he is self-aware, he is not the brightest bulb. I could ask if I didn't already cut ties with him. Anyway, I just want to piss him off as revenge."
"Could he be a narc/aspie/just an asshole? If he's really a socio, are you sure you really want to engage him? I personally am not that easy to piss off. I will act as if I am if I am intrigued."
"You were very annoyed by your ex though. That cheating guy."
"He was cheating the whole time. My annoyance only emerged when I started to get bored of him."
"You become annoyed at someone when you're bored of them? Damn."
"Boredom does bring out the worst in me..."
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My mother is becoming more interesting to talk with. Last week she said that her father (dead), mother, sister and son (in law school, national level debater) all seem to lack normal emotions too. She asked if I think they are like me. I told her I can't tell, I left home 11 years ago and haven't had much interactions with them since. Pretty sure my father is on the NPD spectrum though. Hubs said he felt bad for my mom when he imagined how she's had to deal with her overflowing emotions all alone in a house of deaf people, frequently questioning her own sanity. Poor thing. Glad we established that, I think we're finally getting somewhere with managing expectations.
"Is that why you've only been back home twice in 9 years? Don't you miss us?" (both times were to attend wedding receptions - my brother-in-law's and my own)
"No."
"I miss you all the time."
"I know. You used to cry about it all the time. It's rather annoying."
"Did you feel sad every time you were leaving us again?"
"No."
"Do you love me?"
"Yes I do."
"Then why don't you miss me?"
"Does missing you mean I feel sad when you are not around?"
"Yes. And wish that I am around."
"Oh. Not really. I have a life mom!"
"I've been feeling very guilty and saddened by the fact that I wasn't by your side when you go through this cancer journey..."
"Why??? The journey has been a breeze. I don't need you here. I don't want you here!"
"BECAUSE I AM YOUR MOTHER."
"So you feel guilt and shame because you fail to fulfill what you think a good mother should do?"
"No! Because I love you and I wish I was there for you!"
"Oooooookay."
"Do you miss your husband when he's not around?"
"Not much. Only when I really had nothing going on in my life for a prolonged period."
"Does he miss you?"
"He said he does."
"So do you only remember my existence when I talk to you?"
"I don't have dementia mom. Of course there are things that remind me of you. I just don't feel sad or wish you are here when I think of you. But I do enjoy talking to you when your emotions aren't rampaging."
"Did you feel sad or worried when my emotions were rampaging?"
"I feel annoyed."
"But you do love me?"
"Yes I do. I just can't love you the way you love me. Doesn't mean I don't care about you."
She looked confused, "I really think your brother is the same way. I think it's because you two are exceptionally smart."
"Congratulations!"
"Is that why you've only been back home twice in 9 years? Don't you miss us?" (both times were to attend wedding receptions - my brother-in-law's and my own)
"No."
"I miss you all the time."
"I know. You used to cry about it all the time. It's rather annoying."
"Did you feel sad every time you were leaving us again?"
"No."
"Do you love me?"
"Yes I do."
"Then why don't you miss me?"
"Does missing you mean I feel sad when you are not around?"
"Yes. And wish that I am around."
"Oh. Not really. I have a life mom!"
"I've been feeling very guilty and saddened by the fact that I wasn't by your side when you go through this cancer journey..."
"Why??? The journey has been a breeze. I don't need you here. I don't want you here!"
"BECAUSE I AM YOUR MOTHER."
"So you feel guilt and shame because you fail to fulfill what you think a good mother should do?"
"No! Because I love you and I wish I was there for you!"
"Oooooookay."
"Do you miss your husband when he's not around?"
"Not much. Only when I really had nothing going on in my life for a prolonged period."
"Does he miss you?"
"He said he does."
"So do you only remember my existence when I talk to you?"
"I don't have dementia mom. Of course there are things that remind me of you. I just don't feel sad or wish you are here when I think of you. But I do enjoy talking to you when your emotions aren't rampaging."
"Did you feel sad or worried when my emotions were rampaging?"
"I feel annoyed."
"But you do love me?"
"Yes I do. I just can't love you the way you love me. Doesn't mean I don't care about you."
She looked confused, "I really think your brother is the same way. I think it's because you two are exceptionally smart."
"Congratulations!"