Psychopathy FAQs

I've written quite a lot of long posts on M.E.'s discord server, some I wouldn't mind making public so I am just going to copy over those here.

1. As a psychopath, have you ever had a brain scan to determine your psychopathy? If yes, what were the circumstances that lead to you getting a brain scan? 
   No, don't see how it will benefit me.
   
   
2. Have you ever been tested on the PCL-R or PCL-SV? What was your score? 
   No, don't see how it will benefit me.
   
   
3. What are your scores on this test: https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/LSRP.php 
   Primary psychopathy 4.4 Secondary 3.4. Last year I got 5 and 2.8.
   
   
4. Were you clinically diagnosed with ASPD?
   No, don't see how it will benefit me.
   
   
5. What age did you first notice that you were different?
   Age 5.
   
   
6. What messed up things did you do as a child that might have indicated you're a psychopath?
   Typical things kids do with insects and small animals: removed their legs/wings, poured hot water into ant's nest, threw a chick into water to see if it would drown, pushed pet tortoises off a tall table. Purely out of curiosity, not sadism. At age 3 or 4 I tricked my grandfather to come over to my cot and kicked him hard in the nose because I wanted him to stay and play with me but he was ready to leave and go home. Physically abused and manipulated my little brother and classmates. A list of other things as I grew older previously blogged here.
   
   
7. Does your family, friends and/or partner know that you're a psychopath? If yes, how has that knowledge affected them? 
   Yes, does not affect them. Almost everyone in my inner circle is from Asian background, (1) psychopathy is not a well-known concept in Asia, (2) Asian culture is rather sociopathic and most people don't consider <7 on the spectrum abnormal. My Part 2 interview with M.E. is specifically on this topic.
   
   
8. Are any of your other family members psychopathic?
   Not officially diagnosed, Asians don't do mental/psychological diagnostic shits and I don't come from elite background either in terms of wealth or education. But I am positive my father is a textbook NPD. Mother BPD-leaning. Brother is sociopathic-leaning and in law school but still too young to tell.
   
   
9. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of being a psychopath? 
   You already know and I have nothing new to add.
   
   
10. If you have children, what do they mean to you, or what would they mean to you if you had them? How would you feel if they turned out like you (a psychopath)?
    Haven't thought about this, never wanted children, currently undergoing cancer treatment and will not be in the cards for a few more years anyway. 
    
    
11. Have you experienced, or ever wanted to experience love for someone? Why or why not? What does love mean to you? 
    Yes. Love to me is when I am willing to do things for someone almost as much as I would for myself.
    
    
12. Has your condition caused you problems in society? Have you experienced the negative stigma associated with psychopathy?
    Already addressed above.
    
    
13. How often do you experience emotions such as happiness, sadness, and anger etc? And how would you generally describe those emotional states when you feel them? 
    See previous blog posts. Recently starting to be able feel gratitude and calmness/zen more.
    
    
14. Do you have a moral conscience or a type of code that you follow? 
    Never self-sabotage or go against my own will. Above all, never lie to myself.
    

    "The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love, and in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks to bestiality in his vices, all from continual lying to other men and to himself." – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

15. Have you ever experienced affective (emotional) empathy? If so, how often would you say you experience it? 
    Sometimes when I watch movies/TV?
    
    
16. Have you experienced moments where you wished you were different in some way? 
    Yes, I want to be like those enlightened beings who are never bored and always in ecstasy just through meditation.
    
    
17. Do you have a criminal history?
    Petty crimes, never arrested.
    
    
18. What is one of the best movies you've ever seen, and why do you like it so much?
    - Watchmen. Apart from the obvious reasons, each of the heroes is a facet of me.
    - Fantastic Beasts saga. Harry Potter world in my favorite era and I love those fancy creatures! I love animals.
    - Gattaca. "For the genetically superior, success is easier to attain but is by no mean guaranteed. After all, there is no gene for fate."
    - Blade Runner saga. Every frame is infused with existential questions and insatiable hunger for life.
    
    
19. What is one of the best TV shows you've ever seen, and why that one?
    
    - Killing Eve. It's like watching another version of myself, I could predict and relate to Villanelle's every action and reaction. Have been told by friends that Jodie Comer's performance as Villanelle reminds them of me to the point they "found it creepy".
    - Peaky Blinders. Love watching how Thomas Shelby moves up in the world: war veteran, leader of back-street razor gang, criminal entrepreneur, legitimate bookmaker, captain of industry, and now member of parliament. Very charming performance by Cillian Murphy. And the story is set in my favorite era.
    - House M.D.
    - Sherlock BBC
    - Doctor Who (Steven Moffat era)